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THE ULTIMATE CONTENT!!! December 19, 2009

Posted by Wilhelm Arcturus in entertainment, Humor, World of Warcraft.
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SynCaine and Tobold can bicker all they like about whether Darkfall has actually added more content in its 10 months since launch than World of Warcraft has in its five year history.

But they are like ANTS arguing over the relative merits of CRUMBS in my eyes!

Their talk of “sandboxes” and “amusement parks” are just a smokescreen to hide the complete insignificance of their positions relative to what I am about to reveal to you!

Truly, this revelation may be so shocking that I have to hide it behind a “more” link.

Take a deep breath, but only click through if you are prepared to have your view of the gaming world turned upside down and give a fierce shake!

The most awesome force in the gaming world is…

A deck of United States Playing Card Company, Bicycle brand playing cards!

Truly nothing can compare with the open vista of possibilities presented by 52 playing cards divided into four suits, each suit made up of 13 unique and hierarchically differentiated cards.

Your only limit is your imagination!

And flexibility reins supreme.  Not only can the “Ace” card be considered either the highest or lowest card in the hierarchy of each suit, but the jokers, the magic users of this amazing system, can be used to represent ANY CARD in the deck if you so choose.

Feel constrained by only two jokers?  Feel free to declare other cards to be “wild” and allow then the freedom to represent what you need.  At your whim (or the whim of the dealer), twos (called “deuces” by those immersed in the card culture), aces, or even one-eyed jacks can be wild!

Not into the wide open freedom of sandbox play?  Want to just get into a game and not have to worry about creating your own content time and again?

The United States Playing Card Company has you covered!

Pick up a copy of the Bicycle Official Rules of Card Games!

This comprehensive guide to 250 different card games will open your eyes and guide your adventure in the world of playing cards!

Looking for solo play?  There are over a dozen variations of what we like to call “Solitaire,” which are card games designed to be played BY YOURSELF!

Want multiplayer?  You have not experienced life until you have been through the roller coaster ride of a game of 4-deck Canasta!

Looking for something more daring?  Want a little more skin in the game?

Let’s talk PvP!  Let’s talk gambling!

Yes, people do, at times, wager on games of cards.

You can have low impact games, where you bet candy, small amounts of money, or forfeits.

Or you can have high impact games where you can BET IT ALL!  People have lost their watches, cars, even their homes in free wheeling card games.  People’s lives have been completely changed by cards!

Need to measure yourself against others?  There are many leagues and official governing bodies that sponsor card competitions.  You could go from playing around the kitchen table to a contestant in the World Series of Poker if you… heh… play your cards right!

Want to just commune with other card players in an card-friendly environment?  There are places world wide just waiting for you, from your local card room to places like Las Vegas, Atlantic City, and Monte Carlo!

Are you a collector?  Or do you want to accessorize your game?  The opportunities are vast!

You can buy special decks of cards, card holders, card shufflers, poker chips, scoring boards, jewelry, and apparel.   You can show the world what you are into!  Nothing demonstrates how serious you are about cards than quality equipment and card related clothing and accessories!

An obvious card afficinado

Tired of playing card games?  That deck has not lost its use yet!

You can take those cards and build a house, or a castle, or the Taj Mahal if you are inspired!

Learn to throw cards.  You can toss them into a hat across the room like Philip Marlowe or follow in the foot steps of Rick Jay and become deadly with a card in your hand!

See the future!  A great many believe that insights into a world beyond our own, where all things are know, can be achieved through cards!  The United States Playing Card Company has available a variety of “Tarot” decks to help you discover your path and books to help you interpret readings.

And, of course, if you’re playing a fantasy game, you’re probably interested in magic.  Well nothing is so ingrained in the real world of magic than a simple deck of cards.  It is the staple of magicians across the world.

With determination and no small amount of hard work, you can amaze and astound friends and family.  Perhaps you will be good enough to become an initiate into the secret and closed societies of those who practice magic and illusion!

Done with your cards for the day?

They pack up into a nice little box.  They need little maintenance and require only a small corner of a drawer or cabinet for storage.

And while a key advantage of cards are their portability and low power requirements, you may at times want to have the experience of cards without having to shuffle and deal out the cards yourself.  Or maybe you want to play a multi-player variation of cards, but nobody is around.

Well, there are many fine computer based card simulations that allow you to experience cards virtually.  While not as fulfilling as the snap and feel of real cards in your hand, it can help you pass the time between card playing events.  Just be careful with those games from Hoyle.  According to us, their is something not altogether trustworthy about them.

Anybody who is not simply biased against playing cards and card culture must admit that cards offer a huge amount of what one might call “content” relative to the restrictive classes, rules, and timers of these so-called MMORPGs.

Next up, the power of storytelling… THROUGH BOOKS!

(US Government regulations require the disclosure that the writer of this article has in fact received free items from the United States Playing Card Company in the past and may expect to do so again in the future.  It is the view of the author that this in no way has biased his view on playing cards, card games, card culture or the wonderful people at the United States Playing Card Company in Erlanger, Kentucky or their parent company, the Jarden Corporation.)

Comments»

1. Bhagpuss - December 19, 2009

This post is made of WIN !

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2. Jeremy (Jmo) - December 19, 2009

Genius…Pure Genius!

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3. p@tsh@t - December 19, 2009

I’m shocked, shocked to find that discussion of gambling is going on in here!

Cards and books are for carebears. If you want R3AL 1337 content, pick up a pen. With a pen, I can make a deck of cards AND a book.

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4. Graktar - December 19, 2009

Hey, and don’t forget, it’s a F2P.

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5. Wilhelm2451 - December 19, 2009

@p@tsh@t – Oh, you’re not going to start in on this “I can write my own book” thing again after that wasted evening trying to recreate the AD&D Player’s Manual from memory. And I still insist that Phraints are from David Hargrave’s work, not TSR! Besides, some of us just want to get on with it and PLAY A GAME!

And don’t get me started on Mike and his, “Store bought paper? I’ll make my own thank-you-very-much!”

Also, looking back, that seems like a lot of @ signs. Maybe I should relent and allow threaded comments after all.

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6. p@tsh@t - December 20, 2009

Actually, I’m not that hard core. I’m only a casual reader.

I just keep a dictionary around to save space since I can procedurally generate all content in English literature with a script I had a guy from elance write for me.

I know, botting.

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7. Stabs - December 20, 2009

Think you’re building something of a house of cards here.

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8. Wilhelm2451 - December 20, 2009

It is just the Graphite Realms fanboys that get me worked up really.

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9. Random Poster - December 20, 2009

“And I still insist that Phraints are ”

Ok I have to ask…what the hell is a Phraint.

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10. Wilhelm2451 - December 20, 2009

A Phraint is an sentient insectoid from David Hargrave’s RPG game Arduin. It was a rule set that could be used in conjunction with AD&D if you so desired.

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11. Tricycle - December 20, 2009

Does this card thingy use the Internetz ???

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12. Morph - December 20, 2009

Haha very clever :).

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13. sid67 - December 20, 2009

Nicely put. Sums up the silliness of this whole content argument very well.

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14. xXJayeDuBXx - December 20, 2009

Wow, seems like I should be paying fifteen bucks a month to play cards when you put it like that!

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15. Stabs - December 21, 2009

Ha ha I love Graphite Realms!

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16. Wilhelm2451 - December 21, 2009

@Stabs – Thanks. Of the whole piece, the one item that makes me laugh still is “stationary.sony.com.” I could have done a whole follow-up post on “Stationary Access.” And now we could have “Stationary Cash” and the “Stationary Store.”

And my wife finally found the 10 year old picture of me wearing that playing cards shirt. I held up posting this for hours while I dug around for that picture, then she found it in four clicks.

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17. bluelinebasher - December 21, 2009

I enjoyed this. How about an ESRB AO section for Strip Poker and Drinking games?

However as with most games, I’ve moved on since the Vegas patch nerfed Blackjack payouts from 3:2 to 6:5.

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18. Marchosias - December 21, 2009

Just don’t let EA get a hold of this “playing cards” idea – they’ll run it into the ground!

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19. victorstillwater - December 22, 2009

Card post is awesomely awesome. Thank you for sharing. :)

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20. grampa bob - December 23, 2009

And not one mention of clothespins and the spokes of your bike.
Sad

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21. Genda - December 23, 2009

Hahahahahahah

hahahaha

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22. mm - January 4, 2010

I heard that the original deck of cards was going to have 56 cards in it! Unfortunately, they had to remove four cards to get the decks shipping in time. I think they’ll be re-introducing those four cards through unpaid expansions at some later time.

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23. Wilhelm2451 - January 4, 2010

@mm – Yes. You can see the results of leaving out those extra cards in the way the Ace gets used as both the high card and the low card in a suit, depending on the circumstances. As a work-around, it is serviceable, but we really need a patch with the final card in it.

And, of course, people who were part of pre-beta will remember how lit up the forums were regarding the number of suits to be included in a deck. A lot of people were in favor of just two suits, arguing that two suits of more cards would ensure better competition. Meanwhile, one hardcore faction was pushing hard for three suits with the theory that if one suit became too powerful, the other two could gang up against it. How they ended up with four suits I have never figured out.

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