Daily Archives: November 28, 2015

Dating My Daughter – The Star Wars Test

This started as a comment on MBP’s post on this topic, but quickly sprawled into enough text that I felt I ought to bring it back here and make it a post on its own.  All the more so since we just had a “Star Wars” Thanksgiving which included watching some of the movies and debating their relative merits with a fellow nerd.

And it has been a long time indeed...

And it has been a long time indeed…

So young man, when you come to pick up my daughter for a date and I ask about your favorite Star Wars movie, here are how I may view potential answers and how said answers may predict our own relationship.

Safest:

  • The Empire Strikes Back – Best Star Wars Evah!  Just a quick statement about what endears it to you and you are safe on this front.

Safe:

  • Star Wars – Nobody can argue with the classic that started it all.  Tell me about how it changed your life.  It is okay to mock some of the bad acting, but only if you acknowledge that such enhances the movie’s authenticity!  Just know who shot first.
  • I’m more of a Star Trek fan – An acceptable dodge, though you will be required to display deep knowledge and/or own an actual Star Fleet uniform.  Be prepared to rank the movies and the various series.  Tread carefully it you intend to mock TOS… and know what I mean when I write/say TOS.

Requires Some Effort:

  •  Revenge of the Sith – Can be justified, but you will be grilled on the topic.  Bonus if you point out what a bastard/fool Obi-wan was, leaving Anakin legless and on fire rather than finishing him off.
  • Return of the Jedi – May mark you as a bit young/immature if you express a love of Ewoks.
  • Star Wars – Things may be dodgy if you insist on referring to it as “A New Hope.”  I don’t care what George Lucas says, you aren’t dating HIS daughter, now are you?
  • One of the LEGO Star Wars specials – We can work with this.  Come let me show you my own LEGO collection.  Tell me which minifigures you like best.  Praise my limited edition Golden C-3PO!

Danger Zone:

  • The Clone Wars – First, you’d better know that there was a movie before the TV series.  Then you’d better own an action figure or a LEGO set or be prepared to explain how it and the TV series improved the Star Wars canon.  Saying “Ahsoka was hawt!” will not cut it!
  •  Attack of the Clones – Will need an essay, submitted in advance, on this one.  I WILL run phrases through Google to see if you plagiarized any of it.  Comparing it to US Middle-east foreign policy is walking a tightrope.
  • Phantom Menace – Almost no hope at all if you go this route.  Seriously, WTF?   You cannot disavow Jar-Jar and midichlorians fast enough to recover.  Will mark you as a fool or a troll unless you are prepared to show me an actual pod racer you built in your back yard.
  • Star Wars: Droids – How do you even justify this?  Some Boba-Fett backstory?  Anthony Daniels needed the money?  I’ll listen, but you’ll need to explain how C-3PO never brings any of this up during the movies without reaching for the “memory wipe!” card.
  • Star Wars Holiday Special – Only if you actually own an VHS copy of it.  Otherwise you will be branded an ironic poseur.  Take your piano keyboard tie and get out!
  • I only watch Anime – I can see how you met my daughter, but you’d best be moving the conversation to Hetalia, Space Battleship Yamato, or Attack on Titan or our conversation will dry up quickly and you’ll be stuck with me staring darkly at you.

Get Out:

  • Star Wars: Ewoks – Do your parents know you’re out after dark?
  • Star Wars: Rebels: – You were made to drink store brand cola as a child, weren’t you?
  • I only watch Anime and I once went to a convention dressed as Sailor Moon.  Here, I have some pictures… – You can never recover from this.  Do us both a favor and just leave now without making eye contact.
  • I don’t like science fiction – Who sent you?  Are you at the right house?