Dating My Daughter – The Star Wars Test

This started as a comment on MBP’s post on this topic, but quickly sprawled into enough text that I felt I ought to bring it back here and make it a post on its own.  All the more so since we just had a “Star Wars” Thanksgiving which included watching some of the movies and debating their relative merits with a fellow nerd.

And it has been a long time indeed...

And it has been a long time indeed…

So young man, when you come to pick up my daughter for a date and I ask about your favorite Star Wars movie, here are how I may view potential answers and how said answers may predict our own relationship.

Safest:

  • The Empire Strikes Back – Best Star Wars Evah!  Just a quick statement about what endears it to you and you are safe on this front.

Safe:

  • Star Wars – Nobody can argue with the classic that started it all.  Tell me about how it changed your life.  It is okay to mock some of the bad acting, but only if you acknowledge that such enhances the movie’s authenticity!  Just know who shot first.
  • I’m more of a Star Trek fan – An acceptable dodge, though you will be required to display deep knowledge and/or own an actual Star Fleet uniform.  Be prepared to rank the movies and the various series.  Tread carefully it you intend to mock TOS… and know what I mean when I write/say TOS.

Requires Some Effort:

  •  Revenge of the Sith – Can be justified, but you will be grilled on the topic.  Bonus if you point out what a bastard/fool Obi-wan was, leaving Anakin legless and on fire rather than finishing him off.
  • Return of the Jedi – May mark you as a bit young/immature if you express a love of Ewoks.
  • Star Wars – Things may be dodgy if you insist on referring to it as “A New Hope.”  I don’t care what George Lucas says, you aren’t dating HIS daughter, now are you?
  • One of the LEGO Star Wars specials – We can work with this.  Come let me show you my own LEGO collection.  Tell me which minifigures you like best.  Praise my limited edition Golden C-3PO!

Danger Zone:

  • The Clone Wars – First, you’d better know that there was a movie before the TV series.  Then you’d better own an action figure or a LEGO set or be prepared to explain how it and the TV series improved the Star Wars canon.  Saying “Ahsoka was hawt!” will not cut it!
  •  Attack of the Clones – Will need an essay, submitted in advance, on this one.  I WILL run phrases through Google to see if you plagiarized any of it.  Comparing it to US Middle-east foreign policy is walking a tightrope.
  • Phantom Menace – Almost no hope at all if you go this route.  Seriously, WTF?   You cannot disavow Jar-Jar and midichlorians fast enough to recover.  Will mark you as a fool or a troll unless you are prepared to show me an actual pod racer you built in your back yard.
  • Star Wars: Droids – How do you even justify this?  Some Boba-Fett backstory?  Anthony Daniels needed the money?  I’ll listen, but you’ll need to explain how C-3PO never brings any of this up during the movies without reaching for the “memory wipe!” card.
  • Star Wars Holiday Special – Only if you actually own an VHS copy of it.  Otherwise you will be branded an ironic poseur.  Take your piano keyboard tie and get out!
  • I only watch Anime – I can see how you met my daughter, but you’d best be moving the conversation to Hetalia, Space Battleship Yamato, or Attack on Titan or our conversation will dry up quickly and you’ll be stuck with me staring darkly at you.

Get Out:

  • Star Wars: Ewoks – Do your parents know you’re out after dark?
  • Star Wars: Rebels: – You were made to drink store brand cola as a child, weren’t you?
  • I only watch Anime and I once went to a convention dressed as Sailor Moon.  Here, I have some pictures… – You can never recover from this.  Do us both a favor and just leave now without making eye contact.
  • I don’t like science fiction – Who sent you?  Are you at the right house?

 

26 thoughts on “Dating My Daughter – The Star Wars Test

  1. Wilhelm Arcturus Post author

    @Syl – That would be a very risky tack to take. That could blow up in their face if there isn’t a real plan behind it. Points for effort if there was some effort, yes, but I am not sure where you would go with it. I think Hardware Wars would be an easier approach.

    @spinks – Admittedly a good fight. Still, they would have to justify the Galaxy Quest-like silly setting and why the whole thing didn’t end with Obi-wan cut in half and falling down that shaft. Bad guy being bad after that fight was silly.

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  2. Wilhelm Arcturus Post author

    @Codeblue – I though he only lost his arm then. But either way, Obi-wan knocked them off during that fight and left Anakin laying there on fire after saying Anakin was his brother. That’s some brotherly love right there.

    Edit: Oh wait, I see what you mean, I swapped the titles of the two movies. See how much the prequels mean to me?

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  3. Stormwaltz

    It’s not my favorite, but the first season Ewoks cartoon was not bad by the standards of kids’ TV, and perhaps extraordinary when you consider it aired 30 years ago. The main writer was Paul Dini (lead writer of the 90s Batman the Animated Series, creator of Harley Quinn, etc.). He tried to give the fuzzballs mythology and morals, and managed to get an even male/female cast.

    The second season was severely dumbed down by executive meddling. I will not speak of it.

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  4. bhagpuss

    I saw all six movies at the cinema on release (near enough) but I couldn’t tell you the names of any of the characters other than the leads in the first one.

    My step-daughter’s getting married next year so it’s a bit late for dating questions but I think an embarrassed “erm…I haven’t ever thought about it” would be a winner. Hmm…maybe I could bring it up during the reception…or, wait, how about at that bit in the ceremony where the minister says “Speak now or forever hold thy peace…” ?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Wilhelm Arcturus Post author

    @nevillesmit – Context of the post: If you asked somebody what their favorite Star Wars movie was and the responded with Star Wars: Rebels, what should you think? Lots of people like Ewoks as well, but if that is the pinnacle of the Star Wars universe in your eyes as an adult, I’m not sure we can agree on anything on that front.

    I just had a long… um… discussion with my daughter, who actually read this post when I told her about it, around Star Wars: The Clone Wars. She says that should be in the “safe” category because we used to watch it every Friday night. I tried to explain that yes, I liked the show, but that is a long step from declaring it my favorite movie in the Star Wars canon. I could not convince her.

    And hell, you can go too far with The Empire Strikes back. Billy Dee Williams was great, but you might leave the message of some of his commercials out of the picture. What exactly are you trying to say there young man?

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  6. kiantremayne

    Other possible left-field answers are “I’m more into The Old Republic” – at which point I would heave a sigh of relief that my daughter definitely isn’t dating Syncaine and might be able to work with this one, and “I really liked the EU books” which will probably get them thrown out of my house with the full power of the Dark Side unless they quickly clarify that they mean the ones by Mike Stackpole. Most of the rest range from poor to dire (even the Timothy Zahn ones. Quite possibly ESPECIALLY the Timothy Zahn ones).

    Of course, since my older daughter is only 8 years old I’m going to have to have opinions on a few more Star Wars movies by the time this becomes an issue for me.

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  7. Stormwaltz

    I kept thinking about this. Ewoks was the Star Wars kids title that meant something to me when I was 10. My oldest is now 10, and currently watching Clone Wars on Netflix. He has anger management issues, and Anakin’s increasing instability speaks to and worries him.

    My copies of the movies date from the late-VHS / early-DVD era, so he hasn’t seen them yet. I don’t know how I’m going to handle RotS with him.

    Bit of trivia: first-season CW is the first time an all-female Jedi battle was shown, Ahsoka and Luminara Unduli versus Asajj Ventress. That episode was guest-written by… Paul Dini.

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  8. Wilhelm Arcturus Post author

    @kiantremayne – If SynCaine is somehow in the picture for your 8 year old daughter, I might suggest you skip right past the favorite movie question and go straight for 9-1-1.

    Yeah, the EU is a minefield. There are a lot of low cards in that hand. And while I agree that the Timothy Zahn books haven’t aged well (I posted about Heir to the Empire and the other two previously), at the time they were the best thing out there and remain the most influential when it comes to official Star Wars canon. Heir to the Empire proved there was still real interest in Star Wars and made Stackpole’s books possible.

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  9. doyce

    They could get by with “Rebels” as a ‘movie’ answer if they added “Siege of Lothal” because that was actually something close “tv movie” length and THE scariest Vader ever put on a screen.

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  10. Anon. E. Mouse

    I didn’t see the Tartakovsky Clone Wars cartoon in that line up, and as such must label you heretic and anathema. It had good characters, good action, and a set up for Grievous that made him a total badass. Also, the battle of Coruscant was set up so well. Alas, much like how it let down its novelization (the Matthew Stover novelization was top tier, and had me anticipating the movie), the Return of the Sith movie let down the cartoon that led up to it.

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  11. Mbp

    Reading through your post and the comments makes me realise that I left out several interesting answers. Any reference to the Old Republic would definitely impress me. I am pretty sure however that my daughters are determined not to date gamers for fear that they would spend more time chatting with me than with them.

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  12. Wilhelm Arcturus Post author

    @Soge – I’d initially express amazement at the idea that somebody of my daughter’s generation could sit and pay attention to something longer than a Vine on the internet.

    That said, if you create a video longer than fifteen minutes reviewing a movie you hate, you should probably consider just going all out and copying MST3K. Their Phantom Menace review, divided up into 7 parts, is over half the run-time of the actual movie. Of course, a good 20% of that time is baked in due to the slow speech pacing. I would seriously prefer to just watch the movie.

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  13. Fenjay

    Seems you (and mbp) have really hit on something here judging by replies! And for that matter, I’m going to bookmark this and revisit it when my now-6 year old daughter gets old enough to date.

    Personally I’ve accepted “A New Hope” as the title for #4, though bonus points would be scored if the person could say why it maybe shouldn’t be called that. All the others have unique titles, so #4 needed one in retrospect IMO.

    One thing the Phantom Menace had going for it was Qui-gon. I think Liam Neeson was born to play a Jedi. But the descent into midichlorians and Jar-jar, not to mention the numerous continuity breaches quickly pull it down.

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  14. Wilhelm Arcturus Post author

    @Fenjay – I am not sure if a month of gaming posts yielded as many comments as this single off-the-cuff and off-topic post. Such is the way of blogging.

    Upon reflection, I think a potential suitor could defend The Phanotom Menace as a choice if they could turn the whole thing into an essay on how it prefigured and got Liam Neeson into the Taken franchise. Maybe. It would get credit for some effort at least.

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  15. Jenks

    The Phantom Menace is my favorite of the prequels because of Liam Neeson. Probably the second best jedi ever after Alec Guinness. I thought midichlorians could have been an interesting plot device, maybe debate within the jedi about science vs “religion.” But instead it was just randomly inserted in a way that seemed like Lucas was trying to troll fans. Hayden Christensen is worse than Jar Jar for me.

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  16. Pingback: MrLuvva’s Luv-In #28 | mrluvvaluvva

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