I’m not sure where this post started, but it assembled itself at one point a few months back and then sat in my drafts folder. I looked at it again earlier this week, added the entry for Activision, and scheduled it for release it into the wild today.
There is no problem, the customers like it just fine. Look at how much money we made initially.
*way, way too long later*
Okay, now that you’ve set the building on fire, sales have tanked, our company is being lambasted in the general press, and the government is saying that they may investigate us, perhaps we can look into finding some sort of solution. But we admit no wrong doing.
There is no problem, things are just fine the way they are. No, you don’t want the changes you’re yelling about. We designed this, we know it is good. Really, we know better.
*endless forum threads and editorials later*
Fine, have it your way, we’ll give you your feature. But we’re going to delay it and we’ll make you work for it. Also, we’ll make sure it doesn’t work all the time.
Yes, our numbers totally depend on an annual Call of Duty release, but we can smooth out that cycle!
*Gets on phone to Irvine*
Blizzard, stop worrying about quality and start making mobile games! Also, put Call of Duty on your launcher!
We can’t live on Candy Crush Saga forever…
*releases half a dozen mobile games that go nowhere*
Crap, get some more levels out for Candy Crush Saga!
Sony Online Entertainment
We’re proposing to break the game and ruin all your fun and maybe sell your offspring to another company. We talked about it in a conference room for a few days, so we’re pretty sure this is the right decision. It was really, really convincing on the white board. We didn’t run it by anybody, we just came straight from the meeting where it was decided and announced it. So all good.
*one small riot later*
Wait, you don’t want any of that? How strange. Okay, we won’t do it then.
*sound of crickets*
Okay, we’re shutting this down and laying some people off, go away!
*sound of crickets*
We have listened to your feed back and determined that this upcoming new feature is not exploitable.
*update goes live*
Crap, you exploited it anyway… and in so many ways… you are horrible, horrible people… let me get the band-aids.
Yes, we hear you. We know we have a problem and we have a policy that will totally fix it.
*two beats too many*
Oh, and we might need to build something to support that policy. But we’ll get to that later. Also, the policy has a glaring loophole and we aren’t really following it. Hey, is it time for another sale already?
Well, we released GTA V, what should we work on next?
*five years go by*
We are hardcore gamers, but we’re against toxicity and are masters at playing gay chicken. Wait, no, scratch that last part.
*stands in front of “No Gurls” sign*
Equal opportunity. Yeah.
*handed pink slip*